No Parking Zone

Verbal disturbance on 25th Street West. Caller's elderly neighbor is in the front yard yelling at her about a trailer parked on the street.

Drunk at 10 a,.m. on Memorial Day

Dispatch: I have a harassment call at XXXX Alderson Ave. Complainant says her husband is threatening to shoot their cat with a BB gun if it doesn't stop running around the house. The husband currently has a BB gun. Suspect is intoxicated.

When ya gotta go...

From Friday night
Officer: What's going over at the Metra? Do they need assistance?
Dispatch: Negative. There's a man at the concert there urinating. Complainant just wanted him removed.

Hollerin'

Complaint at Dehler Park of two males and a female in the parking lot at the back of the park hollerin' at passersby.
The caller does not want contact, just the area checked.

Singin' to the Heavens

Caller complaining that there is a car playing loud music in front of his house.

**5 minutes later**

Caller now says that it is not a car, but the church across the street blaring the music, and would like it stopped.

What kind of dart are we talking about?

Dispatch: Respond to 390 Jackson. Caller at this address says there's a woman with a dart stuck in her head. Caller is being uncooperative.

ew. ew. ew.

Medical respond to a man who is ill after urinating out a flatworm.

Book 'em, Danno

Dispatch: We've got a caller who said she wants someone to read her her rights.

Bomb da Bass

Caller is complaining that there are two speakers on the sidewalk, and that they are shaking the building.

That could have something to do with it

Medical call for a man in his 50's who is shaking and vomiting. He has been drunk for the past few days.

Unlucky baby

Dispatch: Respond to State Avenue for a report of a man riding a bicycle cursing at traffic. There's a baby carrier towed behind the bike but its unclear if there's a baby in the carrier. The suspect keeps falling over on his bike and is extremely intoxicated.

Couldn't he just get a band-aid there?

Dispatch: Medical, respond to the CVS pharmacy for a male with a cut on his finger.

Kids these days...

Report of kids at South Park trying to put a park bench on the swings and tip over a port-a-potty.

May be slurring his words

Possible DUI alert on a man driving a truck known to be an angry drunk. He is possibly not wearing his bottom dentures.

Squeeze of love

Caller reports an elderly woman who says she was hugged too hard and may have broken a rib.

He could've just asked for a ride

Dispatch: We've got a report of a verbal dispute. Complainant says he's arguing with a subject. The subject is saying that the complainant's vehicle is his vehicle. Complainant says he has no idea who the subject is.

Donkeys in Lockwood, now this

Dispatch: Please respond to Pug Mahon's (a downtown restaurant/bar) on First Avenue North. Caller reports somebody rode their horse to the bar and hitched it up outside. The suspect is inside the bar. The horse is still outside.

...a few minutes later....

Officer: Dispatch, 3-bravo, 10-8 (police code, basically means he's back in service).
Dispatch: Copy. Did you say 'bronco?'
Officer: That was funny.

(The first two sentences are paraphrased. I was on the phone when it came across and a coworker filled in some of the details)

Well, where else is he going to keep the treats?

Dispatch: Caller reports a man standing on the corner, throwing things to some dogs on the other side of the fence at the intersection. He's described as a white male wearing a baseball cap and plastic bags on his feet.

(Thanks to Casey for calling this one in)

Liver and a cold 40

Dispatch: Engine 1 and AMR, respond to the Holiday station at 6th North and North 27th for a 48-year-old man who is complaining that his liver is going out. He's very hard to understand.

Where are the rims?

Dispatch: Local cars prepare to copy on a DUI driver in the area of Wicks Lane. No description on the driver. Driving a Ford F-150 described as having no wheels.

Mother probably knows best

Caller is reporting that she is 18 years old, and that her mother will not let her drive her own vehicle.

Hee Haw

Caller reports two donkeys loose on Lockwood Road.

That's a tough angle for the tweezers

Fire and medical respond to a man with a sliver in his buttocks.

Is it littering if it's biodegradable, or is he just recycling?

Dispatch: Caller reports that there's a man near the East Bridge on the west side of the river tearing up paper and throwing it into the water.

It's only fair that, for once, we provide them with the info...

Officer: Did a car crash through a fence into the baseball field early this morning?
Dispatch: I think so. There was something about that online in the newspaper.

Just takin' a load off

Dispatch: Caller reports that he just came out of his room and found an unknown suspect sleeping on the couch.

One way to get a free meal

Pizza Hut delivery driver is reporting that the people he delivered a pizza to are refusing to pay for it, and refusing to give the pizza back.

Reliving his youth

Caller reports a man in his 40's is throwing unidentified objects at traffic and yelling at passers-by. He appears to be intoxicated.

Neighborhood Watch

A man is calling about suspicious activity at his neighbor's house. The property is vacant, but he just noticed that the grass has been cut. He had been asked to call if he noticed anything.

Cop A to backup cop: You don't have to hurry.

Backup cop: Don't worry, I wasn't planning on it. Do you want me to stop and pick up the crime scene truck?

He definitely watches too much "24"

An elderly man is calling in because he found sticks of dynamite in his car and thinks he is being set up.

Phantom pains

Dispatch: Medical, stage in the area of 3020 Seventh Avenue North. Caller states he has a broken arm and doesn't know how it happened. Sounds like a disturbance in the background.

Lift Assist

Service assist call for a man who fell out of a chair. He is not injured, just needs help getting back up.