I'm assuming that's not a candy cane

Caller is complaining that her 94-year-old father is trying to beat her with his cane. He has a hold of her shirt and will not let her go. He is also threatening to shoot her.

Sneaking out with God?

Dispatch: Missing persons report on a 76-year-old who has left Valley Health Care, possibly to go to church.
She is possibly with a 78-year-old man driving a gray Ford. Both have a history of diabetes, and she has a history of falling.

But did you beat the high score at the arcade pinball?

Caller at Rimrock Mall has lost track of his 86-year-old uncle. The uncle may be headed down 24th St. West.

He definitely watches too much "24"

An elderly man is calling in because he found sticks of dynamite in his car and thinks he is being set up.

Howling at the moon

After getting the call about an old man with a shopping cart at Rehberg and Grand selling items to children for $1:
Cop: "Just keeps getting better and better."
Dispatcher: "Full moon tomorrow."