Missed the full moon, but I suppose two halves count.

Dispatch: We've got a traffic complaint of a tan minivan heading eastbound on I90 near mile marker 455. Caller says subjects in the car were mooning people as they drove by and almost caused two accidents.

That's gotta be a mistake, right?

Dispatch: Suspect is described as a white male, 6 feet tall, 300 pounds and with a slim build.

Get thee to Iowa

Dispatch: "There's a woman calling in, possibly 2-7 (mentally ill), who says she does not want to stay in the Devil's land and wants to go back to Iowa."

Cop, after giving a description of the woman: Oh, she's the one who walks around downtown talking to herself. She's extremely 2-7.

Hulk smash!

Dispatch: There's a disturbance of some sort in the Metra parking lot. Caller reports there's a man pulling branches off trees in a fit of anger.

It's the next Bond girl

Report of a reckless driver at 16th St. W. and Grand Ave. It's a white Camaro with foreign license plates speeding and weaving in and out of traffic. Driver is a white female with blonde hair and a "smug look on her face."
Last seen headed west on Grand.

I'd be more worried about the other guy...

Dispatch: Complainant called in to report that her son is home alone after school. She said he called her and told her that he was home alone and saw somebody outside staring at him so he grabbed a baseball bat and hit him. She said she's worried about her son.

Portable dollar store

Dispatch: Respond to a suspicious at Eighth Street West and Grand Avenue. Caller reports an elderly male with a shopping cart selling things for a dollar. He's selling them to children.

Cop: I hope it's not a pregnant male.

Second cop: Good point.

Howling at the moon

After getting the call about an old man with a shopping cart at Rehberg and Grand selling items to children for $1:
Cop: "Just keeps getting better and better."
Dispatcher: "Full moon tomorrow."

You want potato oles with that?

Caller is reporting a possible DUI in the drive-through at Taco John's. A woman in a blue Subaru has hit the building, and is now headed west on Central Ave.

Boy or girl?

Thanks to my co-worker Jim for calling me at home to post this gem:
A man is at Family Services sweating and holding his right side, saying he is going into labor.

Ouch

(This one's from last week. I just found it in my notes, so it gets posted now.)

Dispatch: Medical, respond to the Holiday store on King Avenue East for a woman in pain because she put super glue in her eye.

Dog the Bounty Hunter?

Dispatch: "Respond to a suspicious from 20 minutes ago at 2926 Normal, XXXXXXXX Day Care. A group of suspects said they were bounty hunters and were going to every day care on Rimrock looking for a subject. First suspect is described as male Hispanic or possibly Native American, wearing jeans, a flak jacket, baseball hat. Possibly drinking. Said he was a bondsman."

But did he get the quarters?

Manager of Burger King on N. 27th reports that a man came in and requested two rolls of quarters. While he was getting the coins, the man "freaked out" and punched the cash register and left.

Sounds suspicious to me

(Dispatcher using highly skeptical voice the entire time) Report of a suspicious person in the alley behind 401 S. 29th St. The caller says the suspect shouldn't be there because ... she steals. The suspect is sitting on the steps and is wearing ... (5 second pause) high heels and tight clothing. Nothing further.

Suicide prevention

Man calling 911 because he can't walk and would like to kill himself. Dispatcher: "He says he wants to cut himself with a knife but currently does not have knife available."

Payback

Dispatch: Complainant reports that her neighbor is walking around with a BB gun. She said he called the police on her son and now the complainant is returning the favor.

It was claimed minutes later

"You're not gonna believe this, but I've got a full-sized couch in the middle of State Avenue."


Update from cop five minutes later: "I had a passerby who wanted that sofa, so we loaded it up and I'll be 10-8 (back in service)."

That's one way...

Dispatch: We've got some sort of physical altercation going on. Complainant reports that his wife is repeatedly punching herself in the face. He believes she's doing this because she wants to go to jail for some reason.

Not the spot

Dispatcher: We've got a report of a disturbance near King Ave. West and Mullowney Lane. A male subject has been panhandling at the underpass there and he just stepped out and urinated in front of the cars stopped at the light.

At least he was wearing a belt under the trench coat

Caller reports a man in an alley wearing a trench coat and with a dagger hanging from his belt. She thinks it's suspicious.

Like splitting the dinner check?

Dispatcher: We've got a disturbance. Caller reports a vehicle that's been parked in front of her house for a while with two people inside. She reports that they may be drinking, then were doing boyfriend-girlfriend things.

Finders keepers?

Cop calls into dispatch wondering if anyone reported a missing child. No one has. Scanner is now quiet.

Responsibility

Dispatcher: We've got some sort of disturbance. Caller reports that he accidentally spilled some chili on his wife and that he's been drinking.

Almost there

Dispatcher: Medical at the Holiday on South 20th Street. Caller reports a man slumped over the steering wheel of a car in the street in front of the Holiday gas station.

Then, 2 minutes later: Medical, you can cancel. The caller made contact with the victim. He was just upset because his car ran out of gas.