Those parking blocks will be the death of me...

Dispatch, sending an officer to a gas station for reported gas theft: The suspect put $5 of gas into his truck and then tried to leave. He appeared very intoxicated and tried to drive over the curb and the hood popped open. He stopped and tried to leave again but didn't put the hood down. It sounds like he's having trouble getting out of the parking lot.

How was this discovered, exactly?

Medical call at the Conomart for a man who has fallen off the toilet.

Where else are you supposed to do that?

Dispatch: Please respond to the Holiday gas station. We've got a report of a man who keeps going into the bathroom and eating sandwiches. He's in the bathroom right now.

Ouch

(This one's from last week. I just found it in my notes, so it gets posted now.)

Dispatch: Medical, respond to the Holiday store on King Avenue East for a woman in pain because she put super glue in her eye.