Those parking blocks will be the death of me...

Dispatch, sending an officer to a gas station for reported gas theft: The suspect put $5 of gas into his truck and then tried to leave. He appeared very intoxicated and tried to drive over the curb and the hood popped open. He stopped and tried to leave again but didn't put the hood down. It sounds like he's having trouble getting out of the parking lot.

Must've forgot the mayo

Dispatch: Respond to the Albertson's on 13th for a theft. The suspect took two sandwiches and left the building and then came back. He's still on the property.

Surprise, surprise

Man is calling from Miles City reporting that his car has been stolen in Billings.
His wife took the car to Billings, and loaned it to a transient, who was supposed to have left it at the Heights Wal-Mart.
The car is not there.

Halloween's only a month away

Dispatch: Advising of the cold theft of a banana costume. Complainant asked to be met at ADDRESS.

Hay is for horses

Caller is complaining that there is a man cutting and stealing the hay on his property. The suspect is on a red tractor with a green baler, and is possibly intoxicated.

You say potato ...

Dispatch: Caller is reporting the theft of an ... ogre ... ?

Cop: "That would be auger."

Dispatch: "That is correct."