Can't have your steak and eat it, too

Caller reporting a male shoplifter at Albertson's trying to leave with a cart full of steak. The suspect has now left the cart and is running through a field behind the store.

Those parking blocks will be the death of me...

Dispatch, sending an officer to a gas station for reported gas theft: The suspect put $5 of gas into his truck and then tried to leave. He appeared very intoxicated and tried to drive over the curb and the hood popped open. He stopped and tried to leave again but didn't put the hood down. It sounds like he's having trouble getting out of the parking lot.

Would you rather he did it in your yard?

Dispatch: Respond to the area of North 17th and 2nd North. There's an intoxicated male laying in the street. He's also urinating and his pants are still partially off.

Clean up in aisle 5

Dispatch, sending an officer to a call at a grocery store: Caller says there's an intoxicated subject passed out in aisle 5.

Wee haw

A woman would like a police officer to respond to the veterinarian's office because a group of neighbor dogs attacked her dog, and her dog was also trampled by a miniature donkey.

How was this discovered, exactly?

Medical call at the Conomart for a man who has fallen off the toilet.

This is a daily happening here...

Dispatch: We've got a traffic complaint in front of the new Sonic. There's some slurpee lovers causing problems on Main Street.