MacGyver's in the house

Dispatch, to an officer responding to a disturbance: Caller said the suspect is inside. There are no guns or knives in the house, but it's filled with weapons.
Officer: 10-4. What did the caller mean by "it's filled with weapons" then?
Dispatch: Caller said that it's because the house is full of stuff and the suspect will use anything as a weapon.

The legal age for that is in years, not months.

Dispatch: Medical, respond to ADDRESS. Caller says there's an 18-month-old child at this address who ate chewing tobacco.

Most wonderful time of the year...

Cop on the radio describing to other cops how to handle a search warrant: "He's liquored up and angry, so he's either going to fight or run. Or both."

Merry Christmas

Report of a fight at [address] that possibly needs a medical response. Woman is hiding in the bathroom. She is saying she used a coat hanger as a weapon.

Last minute shopping

Employee at Chuck E Cheese's is reporting that there are two children that have been left alone there for nearly an hour.

Owie!

Medical call for a 5-year-old who got into the medicine cabinet. He has some kind of ointment on his eyes and can't see.

That's the holiday giving spirit

Dispatch: Respond to the Kmart on 24th. There are three intoxicated males in the parking lot throwing shoes and other belongings at customers. They're also now getting into the trash cans there.