That's one way...

Dispatch: We've got some sort of physical altercation going on. Complainant reports that his wife is repeatedly punching herself in the face. He believes she's doing this because she wants to go to jail for some reason.

Not the spot

Dispatcher: We've got a report of a disturbance near King Ave. West and Mullowney Lane. A male subject has been panhandling at the underpass there and he just stepped out and urinated in front of the cars stopped at the light.

At least he was wearing a belt under the trench coat

Caller reports a man in an alley wearing a trench coat and with a dagger hanging from his belt. She thinks it's suspicious.

Like splitting the dinner check?

Dispatcher: We've got a disturbance. Caller reports a vehicle that's been parked in front of her house for a while with two people inside. She reports that they may be drinking, then were doing boyfriend-girlfriend things.

Finders keepers?

Cop calls into dispatch wondering if anyone reported a missing child. No one has. Scanner is now quiet.

Responsibility

Dispatcher: We've got some sort of disturbance. Caller reports that he accidentally spilled some chili on his wife and that he's been drinking.

Almost there

Dispatcher: Medical at the Holiday on South 20th Street. Caller reports a man slumped over the steering wheel of a car in the street in front of the Holiday gas station.

Then, 2 minutes later: Medical, you can cancel. The caller made contact with the victim. He was just upset because his car ran out of gas.